Student Quotes on Love and Relationships

I teach English as a second language to adults in their twenties and thirties from Japan and Korea. Occasionally, I write down their more colourful quotes on love and relationships.

A girl said, “I enjoy watching T.V. because sometimes I don’t want to look at my boyfriend.”

Another girl said, “I want to be in a relationship because I don’t want to gain weight alone.”

A boy said, “My girlfriend is not my girlfriend.”

Another boy said, “I did it with a gay in Thailand. But I’m not gay. He was beautiful. We finished.”

Freud’s Teenage Diary

May 24, 1871 (age 15)

Father is bent on teaching me to be a man. On Saturday mornings he insists on taking me fishing. I hate fishing because every time we go I either break my rod or drop it in the lake. Father says it is a veiled sign of castration. What the hell does that mean? Father usually yells at me for being clumsy then we spend the next two hours sitting in silence. Today, I avoided any such problems by inviting my friend Carl. He’s a great conversationalist. Once I saw Carl talk to a carrier pigeon for thirty minutes about the benefits of eating Swiss cheese. Maybe Carl needs glasses.

Anyways, we were out fishing when Father lit his pipe and offered us a puff. Father loves his tobacco and I was caught off guard by his generosity. But not Carl, he jumped at the chance. Carl took a couple of puffs, started coughing violently before vomiting into the lake. Good chum for the fish, I piped up. Perfect joke, I thought, but nobody laughed. Father says tobacco is a healthy substitution for masturbation. He let out an obnoxious laugh before saying, “It’s one of my great habits, boys.” Carl and I stood there in silence. Neither of us dared to make eye contact and no one spoke for the rest of the morning. Of course, we were confused. Which habit was Father talking about?